Pesky calls remind me of past mischief

By John Toth

The Bulletin

We have been inundated every day by calls to The Bulletin for weeks, but not in a good way.

Within the good calls are embedded AI-dialed calls with fake return phone numbers that are local enough to make us pick up the phone and say: “The Bulletin of Brazoria County. How may I help you?”

That’s when we hear talking in the background, and then someone chimes in with: “Hello, how are you today.”

Then someone begins to pitch something about free money if we sign up to some Medicare plan.

Sharon, who answers the phone at Bulletin Headquarters most of the time, then responds: “This is a business. Could you take us off your call list?”

That apparently is an impossible request, and the line just disconnects.

No matter how many times Sharon (co-publisher, and phone answerer - most of the time) asks to be removed from the calling list, the calls just continue, often every few minutes.

While this is frustrating, it also reminds me of an incident that occurred a few decades ago at Stand-Up Defensive Driving, which we owned and operated at Brazos Mall for 19 years and then three more years at other locations before Covid shut the business down.

We hired stand-up comedians, certified in our curriculum, to teach the class. One Saturday, I was doing all the sign-ins and transactions, while comedian and instructor Dennis Fowler warmed up the class. In exchange for attending a 6-hour class, students received a certificate with which they could dismiss their traffic tickets.

It was a fun way to make money, even though we had to jump through state regulation hoops, which were at times cumbersome. And, we provided a service to the community. We were one of three in-person schools in south Brazoria County at the time, but the only one at the mall, and the only one offering stand-up comedy.

At 9 a.m., Dennis started the class, and the phone started ringing. I picked it up, and there was silence. Two minutes later, the phone rang again. While I was there to wrap up the paperwork for the class, the phone rang every two minutes. I finally disconnected the line from the wall (cellphones were not prevalent yet) and told Dennis to plug it back in if he needed to call me for any reason.

Then I filed a report with the Lake Jackson Police Department and gave them all the details and times the calls came in. I thought that would be the end of it, and that there would be no findings of any kind, or locating the phone number from where the calls were placed.

A few days later, I received a call from LJPD, telling me that they traced the calls to a house in a nearby city, owned by the parents of a man who also held a defensive driving school class on Saturdays, in a restaurant across from the mall.

As it turned out, the owner of that class still lived with his mom and dad and seemingly was using a computer program that made our Stand-Up phone ring every two minutes, while he was teaching a class across the street.

We decided not to pursue the matter any further. The LJPD’s excellent work was enough to put an end to the harassing calls,

Jumping ahead a couple of decades, I think I have also solved The Bulletin’s problem. I noticed a pattern in the fake call-back numbers. Now, I just push the green button on the phone, followed by the red button. The calls have stopped, at least for now.

No, I don’t want any “free” money along with my Medicare plan. I’m doing fine as is, and I just hope that Medicare and Social Security remain available while I enjoy my golden years.

Wait, strike that - my late middle-age years.