Annual wellness visit rings up memories of Ted Nugent

By John Toth

The Bulletin

I haven’t been dreading it, but I was also not looking forward to my annual visit to the doctor to make sure that all my vitals are still in the “alive and well” category.

Sharon - my partner in The Bulletin and my life - decided to get our annual wellness visits at the same time to save a little gas and do some shopping afterwards.

Sharon’s doctor was on one side of the clinic, and mine was on the other, which required that we go to separate waiting areas. We had our phones, so boredom would not be an issue. You never know how long the wait is before your name is called.

I always take an external battery with me, in case the wait is longer than usual, but this time I didn’t need it, because my name was called right away.

The nurse was very kind while she did all the prep work, like taking my temperature and blood pressure and asking questions, such as: “Do you feel sad?”

“No, I feel hungry,” I replied. “I think I’ll go next door and get a pizza after this.”

“Do you have any problems standing up? Do you worry about falling?” she continued.

“No, and I don’t get dizzy. I have a ringing in my ear all the time because of tinnitus, but other than that, I’m fine,” I said.

“How long have you had the ringing?” she asked.

“Since I was 15. I went to a Ted Nugent concert and didn’t take any earplugs with me,” I replied. “It was loud.”

The doctor knocked on the door. “Come in,” I said.

There was no need to knock, although I appreciated his thoughtfulness. I was just watching funny YouTube shorts on my phone.

The young doctor was very nice. I started seeing him last year when my old general practitioner retired. He went straight to work and showed me all kinds of charts and numbers, explaining why each was good or bad.

“What can I do about my tinnitus?” I asked him.

“Not a lot,”  he replied.

“It got worse over the years. It’s Ted Nugent’s fault,” I quipped.

“That will do it,” the doctor said.

Apparently, the ringing in my ear will continue, because he was the second doctor to tell me that there’s not a lot that can be done about it. He did refer me to an audiologist, though.

He suggested getting a sound machine to mask the ringing. I have one that makes sounds like ocean waves and other sounds found in nature, but had to stop using it, because it was keeping me awake.

“I’ll just ignore it. Let it ring. At least, it’s not cat scratch fever,” I joked.

The doctor didn’t react and moved on to other important matters, like my cholesterol and blood-sugar level. My glucose numbers are misbehaving, even though I don’t eat sugary things anymore and use plant-based sugar substitutes.

Sharon was waiting for me when I got through with the wellness visit. She got done a few minutes earlier.

“What took so long?” she asked.

“We talked about Ted Nugent,” I said. What did you talk about?”

“Cruising,” Sharon answered.

Do you have an interesting doctor visit story? Send it to john.bulletin@gmail.com, and we’ll share it with our readers.