My nightmare and annual visit to the dermatologist

By Edward A. Forbes

The Bulletin

“Hello doctor, how are you?” I queried.

“Just fine, Mr. Forbes; Nurse, get the liquid nitrogen.”

He commanded, and I swear she went down the hall, laughing maniacally. She returns with a large container of liquid nitrogen on a dolly. She sets the dolly down and rubs her palms together, obviously anticipating the fun that is to come, She proclaims, “Here we are, doctor!”

The good doctor puts on a mask and grabs the mini-cryo gun, adding, “I think we need to go deep with this one!”

Fortunately, I wake up at this point.

And no, it really doesn’t happen that way but, in my imagination, sometimes it’s an easy assumption to make.

I am so looking forward to my upcoming visit to my favorite dermatologist, who is, even now, restocking his supply of liquid nitrogen. He also has a cauterizing gun he makes use of occasionally, and it, too, is something I enjoy.

I always believed that Miller Lite was as good as any old sunscreen. Mommas, tell your children to wear a hat and to worship the SPF-50 sunscreen faithfully. Having neglected to do so in my younger days, my scalp looks like a pier living in a saltwater environment.

Growths, like barnacles, grow prolifically on my head as a visual reminder of those days spent sunbathing, swimming and fishing on the beach.

Repeated sunburns, like those gifts that keep on giving, will lead to skin issues as time goes by. Hopefully, they will all be precancerous squamous cell types, but your dermatologist should be the one that makes that determination and treats them.

I’m one of those that thinks general anesthesia isn’t unreasonable for teeth cleaning and manicures. Therefore, it should be a requirement for a visit to the dermatologist. I thoroughly enjoy my conversations with the doctor, but I would be willing to forgo them for a nice nap.

Unfortunately for me, Medicare and other health insurers don’t agree with me about anesthesia, so grit your teeth and enjoy your visit.

After all is done, the good, kind, sweet doctor and his nurse remind me of care for the wounded areas on my little pumpkin head. And with a fond farewell, they remind me, “Don’t forget to schedule your next appointment - in six months - before you leave.”

I live for these moments.

(Email Edward at eforbes1946@gmail.com or send comments by mail to The Bulletin, PO Box 2426, Angleton, TX. 77516.)